


Postage to my Heart

by Deluxe



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Hobbies, Letters, Love, Other, Out of Character, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 18:44:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5386439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deluxe/pseuds/Deluxe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who knew Brian would find a passion that would fill the hole that has resided within him for so long? Now that he has, he knows the remainder of his life will be a happy one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Postage to my Heart

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: Oops! Had a tech mishap while posting. FULL chapter is up now.
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> [](http://s1382.photobucket.com/user/writersdeluxe/media/12355096_10153884268226349_701397512_n_zpsez5q6j8n.jpg.html)  
> 

Brian stood in his loft, bare feet planted against the hardwood floors, as he stood in nothing but a pair of pajama pants. It was a Sunday morning and a rainy one at that. There was nothing much to do but stay inside. Feeling alone. Empty. He felt like that a lot these days. Fuck, it was hard for him to get it up anymore. The need, the _desire_...it just wasn’t there.

 

The ringing of his cell phone brought him out of his sullen mood. Ted’s name flashed up on the tiny screen of his Blackberry. Until recently, talking to Teddy would have made him groan, but now it brought a smile to his face. He seemed to be the only person as of late who truly _got_ him. 

 

“Hey, Theodore.”

 

“Brian!” Ted greeted jovially, “Just the man I wanted to talk to!”

 

Despite Ted not being able to see him, Brian shook his head at the man’s corny greeting but couldn’t help the hint of a smile that appeared on his face.

 

“Did you expect anyone else when you called my cell phone?”

 

“Maybe a trick? Justin? I don’t know, both have happened before.”

 

Brian let out a sigh. He hadn’t had anyone in his bed for a while. His conversations with Justin were slowing down and he hadn’t seen the kid in a few months. Babylon had lost its appeal to the point where he just let Theodore handle the club. Michael thought he was depressed. He wasn’t depressed. He was just...empty.

 

“Brian?” Ted asked softly, “Is everything okay?”

 

“Have you...have you ever felt like something was missing? That your day to day life lacked purpose?”

 

Ted hesitated over the line before he cleared his throat, “Y-Yeah, Brian. Yeah, I have. It was why I turned to drugs. You’re not-”

 

“I’m not a crystal queen, Theodore,” Brian growled.

 

“Of course not. But _you_ don’t feel like your life lacks purpose, right?”

 

Brian said nothing and stood there in silence, waiting for his friend to get the hint.

 

“Brian, if you’re not feeling like yourself then maybe you should go see Justin-”

 

“It’s not Justin,” Brian interrupted firmly, “I’m happy he’s doing well. I’ve never heard him sound so alive. He’s made a lot of friends and his art is taking off. I think he has a crush on someone. Good for him, you know? This...this concerns my life. My life without Justin.”

 

There. He said it. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Justin. Part of him always would. But he was ready to move on. To let go and find anything else that would make him feel passionate about something again. He could go back to Justin, beg for him to be in his life all the time again. The thing was, he didn’t want to. Brian Kinney didn’t beg. But even if he did, he wasn’t sure if a relationship with him was something he wanted anymore. The thoughts that made his heart twinge and his pulse quicken several months ago now made him feel…

 

Meh.

 

“A-Alright,” Ted said quickly, surprised by Brian’s answer, “You know what? I understand. After Emmett and I broke up and I got out of rehab, I needed to focus on me. I needed to figure out what I wanted to do with my life and things I could do that would make me happy. I needed to see that I could make myself feel at peace and not rely on someone else’s praise and love to do that for me.”

 

“...How did you do that?”

 

Ted snorted, “I don’t know if I did. I found Blake again right when I thought that I would be happy with my friends and the small passions I had in my life.”

 

Brian felt his heart sink at the words, “...Fuck, Ted. I’m not really wanting another guy in my life.”

 

“That was just me, Brian. And hell, remember Tad? Could you imagine if you took on a freak like him?”

 

Brian did let out a small laugh at that, “I’d like to think I have better taste in men.”

 

Ted let out a groan, “Yes, we all know your tastes are exquisite.”

 

After Brian finished chuckling at Ted’s groaning statement, Ted cleared his throat.

 

“But you know what? You’re stronger than me, Bri. You...You never depended too heavily on anyone. You got where you are mostly on your own and you don’t give a shit about what people think. I’ve always admired that, even though you used to come off as an asshole. You found ways to keep yourself occupied.”

 

“You say that as if sex is a hobby.”

 

“It was an _art_ for you. But hey, a hobby is a hobby. Hell, picking up hobbies kept me afloat. Some of them I dropped but a few others stuck around. People can be interested in anything.”

 

“And what are you interested in, Theodore?” Brian drawled.

 

“Actually, one of the passions I have is exactly what I was calling you about!” Ted exclaimed before he dove in, “I have an extra ticket to a convention in Wilkinsburg. Blake was supposed to come with me but there was a crisis with the person he is sponsoring in his therapy group. So I thought maybe you’d like to come with me?”

 

“To a convention?” Brian asked, “What kind of convention? Don’t tell me you’ve become a comic nerd like Mikey.”

 

“Of course not,” Ted scoffed, “It’s the 2007 Postage Stamp Convention.”

 

Brian stayed silent and waited for the pun but didn’t get one.

 

 

“They’re really interesting, Bri. Not only are there great designs, but there are so many that make artistic and political statements. Ones that have such fascinating backstories. They change from country to country, reflect the culture from that time. It’s really cool stuff. You might enjoy it.”

 

“...I don’t know. It’s kind of _dorky_ , isn’t it?” Brian asked despite the interest perking up within him. 

 

“I mean, if you are confident enough and you’re really interested in it, whose to say it is any dorkier than someone else’s hobby?”

 

Brian thought on that. Ted did have a point.

 

“Look, if you don’t like it or think it’s pathetic you never have to come again and you can laugh in my face as you leave. But I called you because you’ve seemed down lately. I’m worried about you, Bri. I consider you my closest friend and I thought maybe my closest friend might want to go on a road trip with me to something I really like.”

 

“Wilkinsburg is twenty minutes away,” Brian pointed out but Ted said nothing and just waited for an answer.

 

“Alright,” Brian finally decides, “I’ll go.”

 

“You won’t regret it, Bri. It’s more interesting than you’ll ever believe.”

 

After he told Ted he’s pick him up and hung up the phone, Brian went to his closet to pick out an appropriate outfit to wear. He wanted to dress to impress but he didn’t know if he would impress the people he was about to meet. Surely they were suave and high class historians. Who could compare?

 

Sighing, he just picked a t-shirt and a pair of loose jeans from his dresser drawers. This would do. 

 

After Brian put his clothes on and looked in a full length mirror, he had to admit that he looked quite dashing. Grabbing his comb, he parted his hair on the far left side of his head and decided he was ready for his sure to be eventful day.

 

Once Brian was ready, he grabbed his wallet and phone and headed out, excited about what adventures lay ahead. Unlocking the ‘vette, he  
climbed in, his long and gangly legs making it a tight squeeze . Maybe it was about time he got himself a new ride. He would think about that later, right now he had more pressing things to do, like pick up Ted.

 

Pulling up at Ted’s apartment he decided to get out and ring the buzzer instead of honking his horn, which would just bring unnecessary attention to himself and while he normally craved that, today he just wanted to live a quiet life.

 

“Theodore,” he sung into the buzzer, “your carriage awaits.”

 

“I’m coming, Bri,” Ted said excitedly through the intercom.

 

Ted came down in his immaculate green sweater and a pair of khaki pants as he gave Brian a smile. 

 

“Ready to go?” Ted asked him sweetly.

 

“Of course,” Brian beamed, “Thank you for thinking of me. I really appreciate you inviting me of all people to a great event like this.”

 

Ted’s expression became soft as he stroked Brian’s arm.

 

“Of course. Anything for you, Bri.”

 

The two friends, hell, Brian’s inclined to say _best_ friends, head to the Corvette with skips in their step and giggles tickling their throats.

 

Little did he know, he would meet a new best friend. And not just a new best friend.

 

He was about to meet the love of his life.

\----------------------------------------------------

 

They made their way into the venue, signing themselves in and accepting the information packet handed to them by the full-figured lady at the registration desk.

 

“Would you like a coffee? My treat.” Ted offered happily. “I’m just really excited that we get to spend this time together.”

 

Brian shook his head, the thought of coffee making his stomach churn.

 

“No thank you, Theodore. But I’ll have a sparkling water if they have any.”

 

As Ted waited in line to buy their drinks, Brian found a seat and started leafing through the event schedule, circling the things he thought sounded interesting. He was taken aback by how many of the panels he wanted to attend. Who would have thought that ‘The History of Stamp Collecting in Modern America’ or ‘Stamp Misidentification’ would sound at all fascinating, but they did.

 

“What do you want to do first?” 

 

Brian looked up, startled by Ted’s reappearance. He had been so engrossed in what he was reading he hadn’t heard him sit down next to him.

 

“It’s your convention, Theodore, you get to pick.”

 

Ted lent across and tried to take the schedule from Brian, but Brian moved quicker than he did and moved it out of reach. He hadn’t wanted Ted to see all the things he’d marked. Plus, he was there as Ted’s guest so it was only fair that Ted chose what they were to do.

 

“Bri, give me it.”

 

“No.”

 

“Bri, come on.”

 

Still refusing to hand over the schedule, Ted did the only thing he knew that would work. He tickled him.

 

“Stop it, stop it,” giggled Brian as he handed the sheet of paper over to his best friend.

 

Ted smiled up at his best friend. They were going to have so much fun this weekend. “I see you have circled some things you’d like to do, that makes me happy.”

 

Brian looked at his friend, worried and hesitant, “Theodore? A-are...Are you sure?-”

 

“Of course, Brian,” Ted laughed, “They all sound like interesting panels.”

 

Brian beamed with pride and refrained from bouncing in his seat with excitement. He didn’t know why but he felt more alive than he had in months. 

 

“‘From Gumming to Glue: A History of a Stamp’s Adhesiveness’ is starting in 10 minutes in Room 102. Want to go in now so we get a good seat?”

 

Brian nodded eagerly as he stood up quickly and sprinted for the room.

 

“Brian, slow down!” Ted chuckled as he jogged after him. 

 

Brian ran back to grab Ted’s hand in order to get him to speed up. He didn’t know why but he knew it was integral to his happiness that he get a good seat at these panels. 

 

And when the speaker comes in, god, he’s never been so enraptured in someone’s words and wisdom. It’s like he’s been sucked in and he never EVER wants to leave. This is a man who has lived, who KNOWS what he is talking about, and Brian is just a simple-minded pupil, hoping that some of this intellect’s greatness will rub off on him.

 

All too soon, the panel is over and done with. Brian lets out a sad sigh but perks up when he sees other like-minded people going over to talk to the speaker. 

 

“I just have to speak to him,” he informed Ted, “I just have to speak to that great man.”

 

Ted looked delighted at his proclamation and encouraged him to go up and say hi. Taking a deep breath, Brian made his way up to the podium and waited for his turn to speak to the awe-inspiring Mr. Ronald Potters.

 

“H-Hello,” Brian fumbled as he stupidly dropped his pamphlet, “M-My name is Brian. I am such a huge fan. I mean, I just learned who you were an hour ago but god, that lecture. It was so informative and moving. How could I not be a fan?”

 

The older man smiled kindly, “Thank you, Brian. I am glad you enjoyed the panel. I hope to see you at my ‘Stamps of Soviet Russia’ panel this evening.”

 

“Yes,” Brian said firmly and loudly, “Yes, you will see me there. I circled it at least three times. Thank you again, Mr. Potters.”

 

Shaking with nerves and euphoria, Brian returned to Ted’s side.

 

“Where to next?” Ted asked excitedly, “Your choice. God Brian, I don’t think I have ever seen you so happy.”

 

Brian blushed and bit back a grin, “Yeah, this...this thing...it’s brought back a lot of my will to feel alive and free.”

 

Ted gave his best friend a hug and a sweet smile before waiting to hear where they would go next.

 

“I thought that...maybe...Maybe we could go to the ‘Sinister European Stamps: How Postage Oppressed an Entire Class System’ panel?”

 

Ted looked relieved, “I was hoping you would say that. Woodrow’s speeches may come off as a little wacky but the man is convincing! Come on, let’s go get a good seat.”

 

And then they found themselves sprinting again, anxious for the next informative panel.

\---------------------------------------------------

“Wowzer! Can you believe that there used to be discrimination when it came to selling stamps to the lower class?” Brian exclaimed as they made their way back to the lobby.

 

“It’s insane!” Ted agreed as he got his schedule back out, “How could they communicate with their families who were further away? How could they talk to the children sent away for apprenticeships or their elderly parents in different countries?”

 

All of the sudden Brian felt an intense sadness bubble up within him as tears clouded his vision.

 

“I...I just can’t imagine,” Brian choked out as he swiped at his eyes. 

 

“Brian, it was 500 years ago…” Ted murmured as he rubbed Brian’s back. God, Brian was so lucky to have a friend like him. 

 

“But it still hurts…” Brian whimpered, trying to calm himself down. 

 

Brian took several deep breaths, then finally nodded in silence. He was going to be okay.

 

“Ready to go to the next panel?” Ted asked him soothingly, “The next one looks truly captivating. It’s all about the lost stamps of Salem.”

 

Brian gasped dramatically and threw his hands over his mouth to try and silence his excited squeals. “You know how much I adore Salem and all things witches.”

 

“I sure do, Bri, I sure do.”

 

Hand in hand they made their way to the panel room and were relieved to see that there were still seats available in the front.

 

“This is great,” beamed Brian, “We’ll be able to see everything from here.”

 

As the panel began a clipboard was passed around amongst the crowd for anyone interested in entering a contest to win one of Salem’s most sought after stamps. Brian could barely contain his excitement as he filled in his information, crossing his fingers as he wrote in the hopes that it might help him win.

 

“Golly gee, I do hope I get it!” Brian whispered to himself as he bounced in his seat. He saw Ted smile at him out of the corner of his eye and Brian forced himself to hand the clipboard over. He really wanted to just hand it back up front and pretend that no one else was interested but he knew it would be the wrong thing to do.

 

So he passed the clipboard to his friend, cringing as another name was added to the list but hoping that if Ted DID win instead of him, he would at least let Brian look at the stamp every so often. 

 

Even if someone else won, the panel itself was magnificent. The woman who was speaking even dressed up as Sarah Bibber! Gosh, it took every bit of patience within him to not get up and call out for her attention. He had to stay rational. This was not Sarah Bibber. This was a stamp enthusiast.

 

But how could Brian choose who was better? 

 

“I love you Sarah!!!!!” Brian squealed as he jumped up from his chair, “I love you!!!”

 

“Brian!” Ted hissed, flushing from embarrassment, “That’s not Sarah! That’s just Drew Barrymore. She’s a big time stamp collector, Jesus, don’t you know that?”

 

Brian quickly sat back down, “Sorry, Ted. I didn’t mean to.”

 

“I understand, Bri. Just let her finish her reenactment.” 

 

Sar- _Drew Barrymore_ cleared her throat before pointing to the John Proctor impersonator, “He’s the one who has made all the postage stamps disappear, your honor! He’s been using witchcraft!”

 

Brian gasped along with the rest of the crowd and stared at the John Proctor impersonator in silent accusation.

 

“Your Honor, please!” fake JP yelled as he was dragged off stage, “It’s a lie! It’s all a lie!”

 

“You will learn from your sins in hell, _witch_ ” the judge seethed as John was taken to the gallows.

 

Screams filled the air before the room went dark. Then suddenly, a shadow silhouette showed John’s form with a rope around his neck. Bravely and silently, he made a poignant speech.

 

“Brothers, sisters, sons, and daughters, lend me your ear! I dream of a day where trials are fair and man is just, rational, and empathetic. I dream of a time where our postage stamps are abundant and free!”

 

The whole room chuckled at the thought of free stamps but John kept going.

 

“I dream of theft not turning into magic and innocence not turning into guilt. I dream of innocent men walking free and for those who accuse falsely to regret their actions and lead better lives. That is all I wish for in my last moment of my life.”

 

Everyone gasped as the man was hung in the gallows before the room exploded with cheers. 

 

Fifteen minutes later, they named the winner of the raffle.

 

“Our prize of the evening, which is a Sarah Bibber stamp worth TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS goes none other to...Brian Kinney!”

 

It took everything in him not to pee his pants with the pure exhilaration of hearing his name being called out. Tears flowed freely down Brian’s face as he walked up to the stage to accept his precious gift.

 

“You must be honored to add this wonderfully rare stamp to your collection, Mr. Kinney?” Drew Barrymore gushed, as she handed him his new prized possession.

 

Brian blushed with all the attention he was getting and shook his head. “This is actually my very first stamp,” he admitted sheepishly. 

 

“Are you freaking kidding me?” Drew exclaimed excitedly. “Did you hear that guys? Until _just_ now, Brian here was a stamp virgin. How does it feel?”

 

Except for a couple of grouches grumbling about their loss to the virgin, the entire audience stood up and erupted into a round of applause.

 

Brian couldn’t remember the last time he was this content. 

 

For his whole life, he dreamed of feeling at peace with himself and well and truly happy with his life. This day, god, this beautiful and glorious day, has surpassed all of what he ever hoped for.

 

He finally felt at home.

 

\-------------------------------------------------

_Six Months Later…_

Justin let out a happy and peaceful sigh as his new boyfriend, Craigery, sucked at his cock. There was just something about Craigery. Maybe it was his bleached hair or full lips or just his unique and angelic name, but Justin was falling in love.

 

“How was it, Baby?” Craigery asked sexily as he wiped his lips.

 

“It was fantastic,” Justin told him seriously before capturing his boyfriend’s lips in a searing kiss, “Now, why don’t you roll over so I can fuck that nice round ass-”

 

Justin’s seduction techniques were interrupted by his cell phone, ringing shrilly on the bedside table. 

 

“God!” Craigery huffed as he flopped down on the bed, “Who is it?”

 

Justin looked at the screen and sighed, “It’s Michael. Hold that thought, okay Sexy?”

 

“Michael?” Justin asked, annoyed, “This better be good.”

 

“It’s not good,” Michael said frantically, “Justin, I think there’s something wrong with Brian.”

 

Justin felt his heart quicken before sneaking a glance at Craigery. He needs to be subtle about this.

 

“That’s not really my problem,” Justin told his friend in a low voice, “Brian and I have been officially over for almost six months now. Hell, we were over months before that if I am going to be honest with myself. Someone else is going to have to get him back on track. What is it? Drugs?”

 

“N-No,” Michael stutters, seemingly disturbed, “No, I could handle it if it were drugs. Blake’s in our group and Ted is too so they would know if it were that even though _Ted_ is just encouraging Brian-”

 

“Michael, just spit it out.”

 

Michael takes a deep breath and finally says the last thing that would ever come to Justin’s mind.

 

“It’s stamps, Justin. It’s postage stamps.”

**Author's Note:**

> First multi-chaptered story! Made a video to go with it. :) Let me know what y'all think in the comments! :))))
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nNr8pGVYG8k


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